That’s why you are here, right?
Some of your friends or colleagues might say to you: “just cheer up!”. But you already know that it’s not that easy.
So instead of offering shallow advice on what to do, this article contains a clear 6-step plan to get you out of your rut and to live a happy life again. These are actionable things you can do right now, that don’t involve anything bizarre or life-changing.
Step 1: Write down What’s Keeping You Down
This first step might sound rather anti-climatic. You’ve come all this way to find this article, and now you’re asked to write down your feelings?
Even though it might sound silly at first, writing down whatever is keeping you in a rut will allow you to become more familiar with the issues you’re having.
What to write about? Don’t think too much about it and just start writing! If you’re feeling stuck in a rut, you’ll probably feel unhappy right now.
Write it down! “I’m feeling unhappy right now”. That could be your first sentence. Now ask yourself why. Why am I feeling unhappy right now?
“Because I feel unmotivated and don’t have any ambitions or goals”.
Or maybe it’s “because I feel like my love life is slowly evaporating”.
It could be anything. What I want you to do is to just start writing and keep going. Be critical and curious about the things you are feeling.
Keep asking “why” and soon enough you’ll have a clear idea of what issues are causing you to feel unhappy and stuck in a rut.
Step 2: Create a Plan and Set Small Goals
So you’ve filled a good page with why you are feeling stuck in a rut? Good! Did you fill multiple pages? Even better!
Now it’s time to create a plan based on the root causes of your negative feelings. This plan must be specific and should contain small goals.
Why small goals?
Because it’s more difficult to measure progress on a big goal.
Imagine you found out in step 1 that you severely dislike your job, so you’re thinking of a goal like: I want to find a better suiting job.
Now, that goal in itself might be great, but it’s better to slice it up into smaller, more attainable goals. Think about it like this:
- Update my resume
- Start looking for openings
- Send out 3 applications
- Schedule my first interview at a different company
- Get hired at a new job
See how this is practically the same goal, but seems much more attainable?
Also, tracking progress is much easier when you create smaller sub-goals like this.
This is a vital part of your plan: it needs to contain measurable and attainable goals. This will help you stay motivated, instead of forcing you to become paralyzed by the shear size of your goal.
You’ll notice that you can find your way out of this rut by taking small steps like this. This brings me to the next step of this action plan:
Step 3: Accept That This Process Takes Time
After having written down your feelings in step 1, you probably found out that change won’t happen overnight.
The negative feelings that you’re experiencing right now are a result of a lot of things that may have already been going on for years. These habits that you’ve slowly built during your life won’t always be easy to change.
That’s why you need to accept that it takes time to get out of a rut like this. Finding long-term happiness again is a delicate process that cannot be rushed.
You have created a plan with actionable steps that you can take to get you back on your feet. Now do what it takes and move forwards, one step at a time.
What if you failed to move forward after a bad day?
Don’t sweat it! We are all human, so we are eventually going to encounter some rough weather or bad decision-making along the way.
It’s crucial that you recognize this for what it is: small speed-bumps rather than complete failures.
What if you’ve had a bad day? Sleep it off, and start fresh again tomorrow.
Step 4: Prioritize Your Sleep
Now, this step might seem silly to you. How is sleep going to help me get out of this rut?
It turns out that sleep plays a gigantic role in our mental health. Even though you may not feel tired after sleeping only 5 hours for three nights in a row, you’ll be surprised by the potential lasting effects of this sleep deprivation.
The USA is one of the most developed countries in the world. A worrying trend that developed countries are showing is that the workforce is becoming more and more sleep deprived. Phrases like “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” and “work hard, play hard” are becoming more regular every day.
Anecdotally, sometimes when I mention I try to sleep 8 hours a day, I sometimes get strange looks from my colleagues. Like I’m some sort of loser that doesn’t know how to live life to the fullest.
“Sleep is for the weak!”
This kind of thinking is extremely flawed, and one of the reasons why chronic depression is on the rise. It shouldn’t surprise you now that depression rates are the highest in developed countries like the USA.
I’ve personally analyzed 1,000 days of my happiness and sleep habits over the last 3 years. I tracked my sleep every night and rates my feeling of happiness on a scale from 1 to 10. What I found out was very interesting:
- I am constantly experiencing a social jet lag
- I sleep much less than average on weekdays, and have to make it up on the weekend days
- I have only been truly unhappy on days where I was heavily sleep deprived
These where the biggest lessons I learned after analyzing my sleep and happiness.((Tracking Happiness: The Effect Of Sleep On Happiness))
This doesn’t necessarily mean that your feeling of unhappiness is a result of bad sleep habits, but if there’s one thing that most people seem to neglect, then that’s sleep. Don’t make that same mistake.
Step 5: Spend More Time with the People You Love
Almost everybody has a small circle of people that they trust and love, whether that’s a partner, family or friends. These people have a positive influence on your happiness.
I want you to focus on spending more time with these people. When you’re feeling stuck in a rut, you are more likely to postpone activities that require you to be outgoing. You’d rather be lazy and watch Netflix all day than to go outside and meet up with your friend.
You must try to break out of your comfort zone and spend more time with the people who actually have a positive influence on your happiness.
These are the people that can help you to get out of your rut. You can even share the plan that you’ve made in step 2 of this article.
If these people truly love you, then they can act as a support net for the moments when you’re feeling down. This might sound intimidating and scary, but it’s a step that should not be underestimated.
Even when you don’t feel comfortable sharing your plan with these people, there’s another thing you can actively do: be grateful that these people are in your life:
- Be grateful that you have parents who support you, no matter what you do.
- Be grateful for the friends with whom you can laugh your ass off.
- Be grateful that you have a healthy and loving partner.
- Be grateful that you have a kid that looks up to you and thinks you are the best.
Being grateful might sound like a rather pointless thing to do. Why would being grateful help me become happier again?
Well, the answer is simple.
Being grateful forces you to think of the positive things that you already have in your life. This allows you to face your issues with optimism. People that actively practice gratitude are better able to deal with toxic emotions.((Greater Good Magazine: How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain))
So what do you have to do?
Go out there and meet up with the people you love, and be grateful for having these people in your life. Even better: add these things as actionable and attainable goals in your plan!
Step 6: Try to Spread Happiness to People Around You
Wait. What? You’re asking me to spread my happiness, even though I’m looking for ways to be happier myself? Where’s the logic in that?
Well, it may surprise you, but happiness is a funny concept in more than one way.
My personal favorite is this:
When you are trying to make others happier, you will paradoxically find happiness yourself.
How does that work? Here are some examples:
- When we make somebody else laugh, we tend to laugh ourselves as well.
- Giving something to others can give us a feeling of having a positive influence on another life.
- Focusing on helping others allows us to not worry about our own problems for a moment.
These are just a few specific examples that you can probably recognize yourself. Even though they might sound simple and painfully obvious, it doesn’t change the fact that spreading happiness can have a positive influence on your own life as well.
It will definitely help you to break free from your rut and find happiness again.
You may have noticed that this article is different from other “get happier” articles that you have come across already. This list includes steps that you can take and plan for right now. No bullshit advice such as “just cheer up”.
It all starts with a plan, though.
I can’t stress this enough:
Write down what your issues are, and make an actionable and realistic plan to get back on top.
Set small goals.
Accept that this process takes time, take it one step at a time.
Prioritize your sleep.
Spend time with people you actually care about. People who have a positive influence on your happiness.
Spread happiness, even though you might feel like this is not possible because you’re stuck in a rut. Happiness can be shared in many ways!